Why do we need progress? What is it about feeling as if we are progressing, accomplishing something, that drives us forward?
I know that whenever there is a huge project with a goal that I know will satisfy and lead to other things, that I become extremely motivated to do so. It's why gaming works so well for me, that sense of progression is always fed. Often if i reach the top too quickly I get bored and drop off.
It is the same with my Religious Studies Degree and my Thesis. I have yet to finish my Thesis and honestly don't feel like writing it. I have felt like writing many other things about Kashmir Shaivism, Spirituality, Vedanta, etc. But even though the Thesis is the last paper I will have to do for the degree, I could care less. Why? There are various reasons, one being that I will not really use the degree anytime soon in the near future, and hold some spite as toward the reasons for getting the degree.
There is just no sense of progression when i write for the purpose of Thesis. It is a labor, for work I have almost completely finished. I continue to pay for thesis credits and don't get it done. It bothers me that its always on my head, but it bothers me more that I have to spend grueling time to finish it, even though almost all the research is already done.
I will finish it, begrudgingly, but only to feel as if i didn't "waste" my time getting the degree. The knowledge I gained and have from the degree is far more important than the paper anyways...but I guess quitting right at the end when I am guaranteed success is silly.
I feel like I can start writing again once I change jobs, or get the notification that I will be changing jobs. The feeling of insecurity coming from being in one job ready to go to another (permanent one), but just not yet is irritating but manageable, just doesn't do anything for my desire to continue to write.
We will see how things go!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Why do we Fool Ourselves?
We fancy ourselves compassionate, loving, sentimental creatures. This you could say is a product of evolution and technology. Compassion and love normally takes backseat when creature comforts aren't around. There is more of a sense of urgency and survival.
I don't think the compassion and fanciness of the current New Age Movement is organic as much as it is an aberration. It could be a product of our technology advancing too fast, allowing creature comforts and hence spiritual fanciness to flourish. Old traditions took their religion very seriously. Most point out that ecstacy and oneness is not so much the goal as not having a goal at all. There was no point to spirituality, and that was reason enough.
In fact, having no point to ones spirituality seems to hold a key that almost all of us will never realize. Being religious out of familial or genetic obligation is not what I am speaking of...it is to be religious, or "spiritual" with really nothing invested. No emotion, no mind, no social or physical obligation.
Why do it then? That is a question we ask of ourselves for everything we do...it is part of our modern, techno-logical thinking. Without a reason we cant have a cause. Without a cause we have no reason.
It is a self-denying cycle of dependencies when we look for validation in the eyes of others. Even when we look toward the eyes of our most trusted and exalted spiritual leaders, we are betraying ourselves to their agenda...of which is to "set us free" through their "control". This hypocrisy does not work, it only creates a spiraling well of pitiful grovelling and emotional scrounging.
Sounds bleak? Think about it...
Who can set you free? Who can bring you true salvation?
It is definitely not you or me, or him or her...so who is it?
I don't think the compassion and fanciness of the current New Age Movement is organic as much as it is an aberration. It could be a product of our technology advancing too fast, allowing creature comforts and hence spiritual fanciness to flourish. Old traditions took their religion very seriously. Most point out that ecstacy and oneness is not so much the goal as not having a goal at all. There was no point to spirituality, and that was reason enough.
In fact, having no point to ones spirituality seems to hold a key that almost all of us will never realize. Being religious out of familial or genetic obligation is not what I am speaking of...it is to be religious, or "spiritual" with really nothing invested. No emotion, no mind, no social or physical obligation.
Why do it then? That is a question we ask of ourselves for everything we do...it is part of our modern, techno-logical thinking. Without a reason we cant have a cause. Without a cause we have no reason.
It is a self-denying cycle of dependencies when we look for validation in the eyes of others. Even when we look toward the eyes of our most trusted and exalted spiritual leaders, we are betraying ourselves to their agenda...of which is to "set us free" through their "control". This hypocrisy does not work, it only creates a spiraling well of pitiful grovelling and emotional scrounging.
Sounds bleak? Think about it...
Who can set you free? Who can bring you true salvation?
It is definitely not you or me, or him or her...so who is it?
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wonderings
Sometimes I wonder if we are really ever meant to do anything. Are we fooling ourselves with purpose? Do we need it?
What is the purpose of purpose seems to be a redundant question. One that leaves me in a state of silence, my mind doesn't travel to an answer because...whats the point??
Life is strange, the way we mill about focused on numbers.
In our western culture we are mostly preoccupied with two things, money and weight. Both can be measured, both are sought after. Statistics are appealing, I am not sure why. Even myself, I am drawn to video games with meaningless pointless numbers...maybe that's why it is so entertaining...it reminds us that life doesn't need a purpose to be lived.
What is the purpose of purpose seems to be a redundant question. One that leaves me in a state of silence, my mind doesn't travel to an answer because...whats the point??
Life is strange, the way we mill about focused on numbers.
In our western culture we are mostly preoccupied with two things, money and weight. Both can be measured, both are sought after. Statistics are appealing, I am not sure why. Even myself, I am drawn to video games with meaningless pointless numbers...maybe that's why it is so entertaining...it reminds us that life doesn't need a purpose to be lived.
Transactional Relationships
There is a certain amount of effort that people put into individuals they meet. This effort is usually for a Return. The threat of that effort being removed creates anxiety and rashness. The loss of that effort creates depression, hate, malice and other negative affects towards the individual.
What isn't normally realized is that this effort was placed willingly, and with complete knowledge that it is a risk. Why do we treat our relationships as business transactions? If you don't either follow a person’s lead or contribute to a person’s interest, there is no relationship.
It makes me wonder if thinking that relationships should be based on non-transactional "interest and care" for each other is the right way to think of my role toward other human beings, as a human being. Why do we even have this opinion of non-conditional relationships where we accept our friends and family as "who they are", without any expectation of change or validation of our own interests?
More and more it appears to me that our lives are based on what I would call "Threat". I will relate this to video game terminology, silly as it may seem. "Threat" is a concept that goes along with another known as "Aggro" or aggression. The more you perform an action or relinquish performing and action you gain and lose aggro. The closer you are to someone, the more of a threat you are, and the easier it is to get "Aggro"'. The further away, physically and emotionally, the less likely you are going to gain "Aggro". There is always the exception, such as the random act of senseless violence, or kindness. But these are few and far between and are indeed also transactional relationships because they create and instant and unexpected transaction between yourself and another that creates great and intense gratification, sorrow, despair, and other powerful feelings right at the start of the relationship.
Transactional relationships exist in all aspects of our lives. Of course, in business, this is the norm. If you don't do you work, you are fired. If you do your work well, you are rewarded. You make deals, hold up, or let down your end of bargains. You help people and you defy people. You create opportunity, and block others for your, or your associates benefit, to the downfall of your competitors. These are all transactions, one comment traded for another, one persons salary increases as another loses their job.
Competition itself is a transaction. It is an agreement toward gain and loss between two or more parties, and the acceptance of thereof.
This transactional relationship exists in counseling as well. You must pay money, or perform the advice given, or else the counselor severs the relationship. The counselor has the intent to help others, but never out of selfless care. There is always something given, whether its physical payment, emotional gratification or mental satisfaction.
Would it surprise you that it occurs in spiritual circles as well?
What use are you to a person or group if you don't follow their belief system, leadership or advice? The minute you forget the mantra, you have threatened your relationship with the teacher, the student, with God! If you forget to pray or pay homage to your deity, you may have sinned and must repent or "make up" for the forgotten transaction. This is an expected transaction as well, payment for misdeed.
When the group realizes you no longer have interest in their subject, they see the effort they "put" into you as a loss and discard you. It is completely conditional, and conditional relationships can only create conditioned thinking and behavior. Conditioning is a transaction. You put in to get out something, your own brainwashing or the brainwashing of others, along with the strengthening of your own personal position.
Is it bothersome that our lives function this way? Is this the way it is supposed to be? Is it healthy? Is it sane?
These are questions I'd love to discuss in comments, if anyone cares to share their opinions on the answers to these questions.
What isn't normally realized is that this effort was placed willingly, and with complete knowledge that it is a risk. Why do we treat our relationships as business transactions? If you don't either follow a person’s lead or contribute to a person’s interest, there is no relationship.
It makes me wonder if thinking that relationships should be based on non-transactional "interest and care" for each other is the right way to think of my role toward other human beings, as a human being. Why do we even have this opinion of non-conditional relationships where we accept our friends and family as "who they are", without any expectation of change or validation of our own interests?
More and more it appears to me that our lives are based on what I would call "Threat". I will relate this to video game terminology, silly as it may seem. "Threat" is a concept that goes along with another known as "Aggro" or aggression. The more you perform an action or relinquish performing and action you gain and lose aggro. The closer you are to someone, the more of a threat you are, and the easier it is to get "Aggro"'. The further away, physically and emotionally, the less likely you are going to gain "Aggro". There is always the exception, such as the random act of senseless violence, or kindness. But these are few and far between and are indeed also transactional relationships because they create and instant and unexpected transaction between yourself and another that creates great and intense gratification, sorrow, despair, and other powerful feelings right at the start of the relationship.
Transactional relationships exist in all aspects of our lives. Of course, in business, this is the norm. If you don't do you work, you are fired. If you do your work well, you are rewarded. You make deals, hold up, or let down your end of bargains. You help people and you defy people. You create opportunity, and block others for your, or your associates benefit, to the downfall of your competitors. These are all transactions, one comment traded for another, one persons salary increases as another loses their job.
Competition itself is a transaction. It is an agreement toward gain and loss between two or more parties, and the acceptance of thereof.
This transactional relationship exists in counseling as well. You must pay money, or perform the advice given, or else the counselor severs the relationship. The counselor has the intent to help others, but never out of selfless care. There is always something given, whether its physical payment, emotional gratification or mental satisfaction.
Would it surprise you that it occurs in spiritual circles as well?
What use are you to a person or group if you don't follow their belief system, leadership or advice? The minute you forget the mantra, you have threatened your relationship with the teacher, the student, with God! If you forget to pray or pay homage to your deity, you may have sinned and must repent or "make up" for the forgotten transaction. This is an expected transaction as well, payment for misdeed.
When the group realizes you no longer have interest in their subject, they see the effort they "put" into you as a loss and discard you. It is completely conditional, and conditional relationships can only create conditioned thinking and behavior. Conditioning is a transaction. You put in to get out something, your own brainwashing or the brainwashing of others, along with the strengthening of your own personal position.
Is it bothersome that our lives function this way? Is this the way it is supposed to be? Is it healthy? Is it sane?
These are questions I'd love to discuss in comments, if anyone cares to share their opinions on the answers to these questions.
Testing Out Blogger
Easy to blog with this it seems. Very little maintenance.
I wonder if I can connect Blogger to my Joomla! Site. Would be great.
I wonder if I can connect Blogger to my Joomla! Site. Would be great.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)